Dear self,
This is an overdue letter, and for that I am sorry. In fact, a lot of what I want to say in this letter is about apologizing. I never made a conscious choice to hurt you. And yet I have in so many different ways. Strangely enough, my motivation for doing most of the abusive stuff I did to you was about trying to make me feel better. From as far as I remember, I never completely normal,or at least what I thought was normal. I would look at other girls and they just seemed to be better,smarter, and basically more together. I realize now that we struggle and probably all feel like everyone is more blessed with something that we didn't get ..I am sorry..for the way I have treated you..I am sorry..for the things I have said and for th
e complete lack of faith I have had in you in times....I apologize for not regarding you in the way you deserve, and most of all for not for the placing your needs..above all others ..I have looked everywhere but to you for the love I needs. I have done things and acted in ways that are shameful, all in the same of earning someone else's love, when all the time there you were just waiting for me to look inward. I know you know that our journey will be a long one, and it will be far from easy. I am afraid..that I will fail again and there is a voice that speaks loudly warning me..to not even try..that I am only asking for dissapointment. But..you deserve a hundred more attempts at getting, It right and It that is what takes,well then, a hundred more it will be.. I know,as u do..that journey will be filled with steps foward, followed by steps back...But it's okay!..each day I will wake up with a renewed effort and a humble prayer for the guidance I need to get back to you and to the spirit..that is 'TRULY ME'! I know you forgive me and I am so grateful for that..today is the new day ..and with YOUR LOVE..and support, I will take those small..But very important, STEP FORWARD!!
Love myself,
-ME-
Mariane Mike
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